Kenny Boy clones, anyone?

KEN “KENNY BOY” LAY 1942-2006

LENNY KAYE, b 2006, Danli, Honduras.
By Sterne Broun, Blue Barn News Central

The nation was shocked and saddened to discover its favorite Gilded Age revivalist Ken Lay dead of an apparent heart attack. Mourners have been holding candlelight vigils. The Wall Street Journal reported that some have even gone so far as fasting in his memory. But some folks just don’t get it.

Eager to suspend Lay’s 72 virgins, the Moldovan kind reserved for Free Market Martyrs, conspiracy theories have engulfed the internet like so many East New Orleans bungalows.

Speculation about the mysterious Lenny Kaye, recently spotted swiping a packet of Duvalin from a Honduran child, has only served to exacerbate the ghoulish denials. These reports, “all wrong,” as CNN Money Man Allen Wastler informs us, prolong the grief America feels.

“This type of thing makes ya’ looney,” a former Enron employee was overheard saying at a Fifth Ward swap meet. “I mean, you’d think he would have called us if he were looking to start again in Latin America.”

“It is utter poppycock,” a disheartened Tony Blankley said. “If you look at these photographs, you can clearly see that Lenny Kaye has a moustache. Ken Lay never had a moustache!”

Blankley, wiping a tear away with a smart $300 handkerchief, continued. “If you need any more proof, check the death certificate. Equity Funding has notarized the thing this morning!”

Add to Blankley’s assertions the fact that Lay’s untimely demise prevents his family from sharing his wealth with former shareholders and employees and it is quite clear Kenny Boy wouldn’t have wanted it this way. “You know and I know,” Tony Snow told his stenographers, “Kenny Boy would want to pay his debts. We rewarded him for his contributions, he contributed more. That was just the kind of guy he was.”

Besides, the corporate media would hasten to add, if there were a dead ringer for Lay out there he’d be receiving embalming services as we speak, not hamming it up at a famous cigar factory. That Lenny Kaye has been spotted makes Lay faking his death with a body double statistically impossible.

Judy Miller was unavailable for comment.